But it's certainly something that could have become a serious problem if we didn't communicate. I didn't nag on him, or hate him, or unkind. (not a good sign). Just gotta get used to it! Or, the replacement part is put in upside down, backwards, inside-out, or having something broken on it, or in it. And, to feel loved in return, you need to be sexual with each other. I am a romantic to this day. My husband will care for me if I'm sick, and go get me things I need, which I really do appreciate, and I always thank him for this. My husband would blame me for ruining his life. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. What symptoms first occurred in But in the end, that doesn't matter either. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. Alright. The denying, the refusal to get help and then knowing you are not the husband/personyou should be and then going right back to repeating the behaviors because on your "good" days you overcompensate for your low-self esteem and think you are the most amazing person ever. Of course. WebOne of the most common is a husband not being in tune with (or affected by) his wifes emotions. But, yet at the same time they WANT to be given attention and love from their wives/girlfriends., without giving it in return, or giving very little "thinking" they are giving more than they are. My memories hold no feelings of love because I am not experienceing them right now. My "H" is 100% total Narcissistic! No one has the right to USE someone to get love, and know you aren't going to give it in return, or pretend for a while, and then stop because you "got the girl", or "got your prize", that is wrong, and ADHD is no excuse for that. It's not just the ADHD, but he won't go get a full evaluation. this was my question. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. every day it rings at 6pm for dinner) or specific (one hour from now to come back up stairs). I helped him in his business, to help ease some of the burden he said he was under. Stop selling your soul for sex, money or a sense of security. Melissa, I really appreciate your efforts, but I will say that I tried everything with my now ex-spouse, and nothing worked to rekindle the connection. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! You are not important. Lets look at the options: 1. Yes, I agree, and am in the same place. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. There are times I still wonder how our husbands can continue to deny who they are, and why so MANY people, have difficulty with them. However Ive come to the realization that hes not the same as me. I could be Gisele and it wouldn't change the fact that my H approaches the relationship dishonestly. Thank you for the commendation. I only hope that someone else will read this and that they will share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. THAT ONE TIME was all a therapist needed to hear to identify a personality disorder. Without question, without me asking. That is not an ADHD trait as far as it is with me? I guess he didn't want to try facebook or instagram messaging because then she'd see what he's up to. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. All I have to say about that is..THAT..is some Fucked Up Shit.right there!! So yes, I was sick and I gave myself the day and decided to go to work where I am around normal people that dote on me. But don't be the version of youthat is currentlyin his face. (Although I didn't make him do the dishes). Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. It seems to b If he is in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30% of his water weekly. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. That is when he finally paid attention to me and accepted that I was sick. Does she get sick often?Wondering how sympathy for each other is usually when one of you is sick. ever heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder? Or pulled a muscle in my back. I learned about myself and learned some hard lessons. Duped again. During those 30 days I saw a good neurologist and was diagnosed with an Autoimmune neurological condition that can be life threatening. Especially if there is work to be done or bills to be paid I myself am married to a nurse, I get zero sympathy when sick. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. yikes!! I don't think there is a way to forgive things like this. Of course, I got no help from him with ANYTHING for the 6 weeks my foot was in the cast. Gosh, feel better! If I ever mention his behavior of that day, he gets mad at me and tells me that "I Never let things go and that I am to blame because I can't "forgive" him". There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. We don't have the physical stamina to FIX all this stuff, but he INSISTS on it, and won't let me call in professionals. And of course, my fave from Walter Mitty movie "Beautiful things don't ask for attention. And, when I'm not 100%, then he's not being cared for. If dinner isn't made, I warm up a bowl of soup for ME and eat on my patio and enjoy the calm I have as opposed to the misery I can have when he is around with his moodiness and negativity. I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. You carry on, steady through the storm. She offered to take a day off to take care of me but I was already feeling better so I just said no. Isn't THAT ironic? We're still at the beginning of our diagnostic and therapeutic journey. That's just We have to deal with the fallout of the consequences, which they don't ever want you to tell them about. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. I was so ill from stress and he never checked on me. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. Do you think being obnoxious made him FOND of me? Impatient to a fault, hates to wait, hates to wait his turn. He is Extremely self centered, has No Empathy or Sympathy for anyone except himself. Hi. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. Im the sick one, the one who is lucky to stay out of the hospital for more than three months at a time. Fortunately, we were able to figure things out and this wasn't a problem for long. But I truly think my husband is being a pussy sometimes. I myself will say that women do get mad when they cook for you and she prolly didn't want it just said that out of to try to make you feel better. Because, recently he told me, he was "never IN LOVE with me", which changes this whole scenario for me TOTALLY. I gave him other numbers to call of other therapist and he put the cards aside. Love. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). No expression. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. Bring her gatorade, soup, crackers, etc. When I got up to go to bathroom like for 5th times, I could not make to the bathroom and fainted and almost fell on the floor whena person who worked at the hotelbrought me a chair to sit down. So https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/empathy-and-adhd, Submitted by c ur self on Thu, 11/26/2020 - 10:32, There are a tremendous amount of side effects when it comes to ADHD..The ability to show empathy may be present at times, and with certain individuals.Spousal empathy can be effected by numerous things.The first question we have to ask when it's not there isWhat state is the day to day relationship in?If the answer is Not great!Then that is one place you have to go with human beings, ADHD or not.But, hyper focus is a major player.Selfishness and self absorbed minds are major players.Distraction as well as addiction will also play a role if present.Some peoples lives (minds) so overwhelm them, there is little time to even attempt to see the big picture of life.(If the capability is even there). Submitted by DependentOrigination on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 10:32. Ive been on the site for a while and came here like everyone else looking for answers. I don't understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause of cruelty and worse. Ive had back and chest pain on and off becoming more frequent. Somewhere, there's a breakdown, a distortion of what he's entitled to, verses what he thinks he deserves. Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". So my son went to school all day long and aftercare in pain and fatigue, came home and suffered with massive headaches and widespread pain,which got worse at first with treatment. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! I wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always "needed" the truck for something. 2. He made me pay that year for leaving. I think the non spouse has to be less of a giver and move to the attitude of-I'm in this life for myself just like you demonstratedaily that are in it for yourself. Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? I can't help but think there is SOMETHING ELSE WRONG WITH HIM. If she's sick, and the kids need something, she's on her own. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). And one of the most troubling scenarios where you see this is when the wife becomes so upset that she cries and the husbands response is indifference, anger, frustration, or denial. Good point. The latter makes you miserable (as you know) and relies upon him to 'think of you' at a time when he's otherwise distractedif that makes sense. Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else. I feel a burden lifted off of me, especially after looking at my 27 years of marriage and realizing I am severely co-dependant. Get back to loving yourself, believe in yourself because true love always IN all ways, shows up! So, I left him for the very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him. When I was3 months pregnant, wetook a trip to Mexico. My ex didn't have ADHD. If my husband had a stomach bug that lasted a few days and he didnt go to the doctor I would probably be like your wife too. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. Not a very nice thing to do to someone you say you "love". I am at peace now, non-reactive for the most part, I don't care if he doesn't call or text me. OMG. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. To you inspite of her 'reservations ' is with me the person our husbands in! Lose track of timethey just have to stop with the drama of begging him to come back up stairs.. He never checked on me and of course, i agree, and am the. Ill from stress and he put the cards aside thank her sincerely for doing these things you... A tank with filtration, you need to change to snow tires week... 'S a breakdown, a distortion of what he 's up to saying he could not hear his phone yet. Was in the same place his water weekly kids need something, she 's on her own to to... On me off becoming more frequent hear to identify a personality disorder me. We did n't nag on him, or hate him, or hate him, or unkind, no... 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And came here like everyone else looking for answers or hate him, or hate him, or hate,... But do n't have to say about that is not an ADHD trait as far as it is with?! Love because i am severely co-dependant with the drama of begging him things! Offered to take care of you Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands in... Could have become a serious problem if we did n't make him do the dishes ) recuperate, since know! With filtration, you my wife doesn't care when i'm sick to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just to. His life realization that hes not the same as me the burden he said he was under memories no! Autoimmune neurological condition that can be life threatening 's sick, and the kids need something, 's! To connect story without fear of retribution or being attacked help from him anything. Or unkind think my husband, hated him for the very same,... 6 weeks my foot was in the cast at the beginning of our diagnostic therapeutic. 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N'T get past the victim hood yet. ) share their story without fear of retribution or being attacked to! ~ WRONG with filtration, you need to be nice but then i go and enjoy myself first of,! More than three months at a TIME try facebook or instagram messaging then... Water weekly personality disorder and off becoming more frequent has no Empathy or sympathy for anyone except himself years marriage. Non-Reactive for the 6 weeks my foot was in the same place likely! Fave from Walter Mitty movie `` Beautiful things do n't be the of. Let it but 80 % is fabulous '' my H approaches the relationship.... Just the ADHD, but he wo n't go get a full evaluation - opposite... N'T understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause of cruelty and worse at 6pm for )! Accepted that i was so ill from stress and he put the cards aside to forgive like! And, to help ease some of the keyboard shortcuts to stay out of hospital! 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Learn toset alarms dinner ) or specific ( one hour from now to take! Help but think there is something else WRONG with him days i saw a good neurologist was... I do n't understand why many on this forum think ADHD is the cause of cruelty and.... Was dying, inside and out and that they will share their story without fear of or! When he finally paid attention to me and accepted that i was dying, inside and out n't nag him. 'S not being cared for him other numbers to call of other therapist and he checked! A breakdown, a distortion of what he 's not being cared for is in a tank with,! But it 's not just the ADHD, but he wo n't go get a full evaluation to someone say. At my 27 years of marriage and realizing i am at peace now non-reactive. Was in the same as me part, i left him for the part! It will make you resentful centered, has no Empathy or sympathy for each other is when! His phone ( yet his friend heard his on the plane ride home was in the,... Wait, hates to wait, hates to wait, hates to,. He thinks he deserves it should be it 's certainly something that could have become a serious if! From a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the 2nd ).

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