I am so happy to find this site. Get better at playing his game than he is. They always come back wanting to reconnect. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Good for you that you feel strong now. They will always try to come back into our lives. He admits now to drinking an being drunk every night and that he is part of 30+ porn pages on fb. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. I stopped talking to his mother the day we spoke about that freezer as much as I love her, I stopped answering her calls. He started putting likes on my posts on Instagram. Attention seeking (from both females AND males, he was flattered and sought both), odd behavior and relationships, drama with friends and people he knows, lies (small and significant lies), reckless behavior etc. I thought I was going crazy after going through hell with my ex N. I totally agree with anupturnedsoul. I own my own house and car and have worked in a stable field for almost 20 years plus I have zero credit card debt. We are in the same situation!! Im sure Im also co-dependant and Ive been working on that and getting better. It eats me. Best of luck in your recovery and with maintaining No Contact. Best of luck to you!! If someone approaches you with urgent info, simply tell them thanks but that youve moved on from all of that and prefer not to discuss anything involving him. I was his audience he was my life. Now you've learnt about narcissism, you know all you need to know and what to expect, yet your missing that one piece, the hoover, they just haven't bothered to hoover you, you know all the ways they do this, yet the narcissist you once knew hasn't bothered with any hoover. Mine apologized for the first time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back. Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. So many unknowns I could reach out and ask, but Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine. Officially divorced for 16 months and I still think about her every day. Youre not that smartbut great at being a bully. Then feels low / hungover and shes back telling me Im her home etc.. how did this happen? Im learning a lot with you. As I left, here she comes in her truck with her 5 dogs and her mother? I dont know if he is truly a narcissist or a psychopath but he sure has those lying traits. My N admitted he cheated on his wife the whole time he was with her. They only target good, honest, decent, strong, sucessful, happy, Loving people with everything going for them. But the worst thing is yet to come. The moment youre down on your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in. He was trying to destroy me, and I fought back. Ive stopped for the most part questioning why understanding an N is like the Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling. Another thing to note is that while he didnt acknowledge the negative things I pointed about his character, I snooped and noticed that he has made some changes in his online life. It's part of a healthy ego. It so happens that shes the one hes leaving me for. Its silly but i feel bad. perfect boyfriend behavior). Theyll see you living the good life, going on vacations, eating out at exclusive restaurants, and spending time with your new boo. They often cannot function in even simple, daily tasks. 23 Narcissist Hoovering Tactics to Watch Out For, The Real Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Why You Cant Go No Contact, 6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure, Narcissists never really break up with you, 12 Ways Narcissists Narcissists Use Social Media, the narcissist would never want to contact you, Idealized and Devalued: Why Narcissists Flip, What a Narcissist Says About Breakups: They Never Let You Go, Narcissist Gaslighting Examples in Romantic Relationships, Trouble in Paradise: Why Narcissists Ruin Vacations, Narcissists and Valentines Day: Romantic Torture, How to Deal with a Narcissist During the Holidays, The Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist, Songs About Narcissism: Your Abuse Recovery Playlist, Ten Things That May Happen in a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse, How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell, How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It's Not Your Imagination, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Give You Closure, Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors, How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You, How to Deal with a Narcissist When You Can't Go No Contact. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. Because its not WHO I CHOOSE TO BE. He told me he ussualy forgets that he loves me so much. She cant get back at them specifically, so she picked you instead. []. He left. I had a difficult time. Here are three tricks that the abuser will try: 1. Dont even say yes if they ask you something. She has control of me Im a copper too! its like hes two ppl. And now, for his final act, he started talking to that girl from his job, which I had suspect he was because he looked her up on fb. After all, if he is used to being a father, he is probably already adept at dealing with a female borderline/narcissist to some degree. There was a place that was open and never seemed to be fulfilled before but youre doing a great job of filling it. Once we became a relationship I let her stay by me (big mistake), oblivious to the fact that this charming person who Im starting to love and who loves animals and loves music like me ..etcoblivious to the fact that one day I will look pretty much at the devil itselfWhen I wasnt home she searched my computer for everything and went through all my stuff.etc I did a lot for this person and bought her stuff.,..even though she didnt really do much for me.. For the next 6 weekends she disappeared, and each time id believe her story on where shed been. I found that in the beginning it was intensely romantic, joyful, fun (i.e. If you left because you could no longer handle the cycle of abuse, they only treated you that way because your actions forced them to. His woman whisperer persona was how he manipulated women he had by now been fired from his job and he and Kym were arguing and he wanted to move back in with me. Once we heal those places within ourselves, not only do we recover, but life becomes better overall. Narcs and Psychos dont do this. I hope to share my story one day.. Keep up the good work! Your ex has discerned that he or she went too far with the blocking and changed his or her mind about you. I miss my son so badly. Best of luck to you. This was just a jab in order to do exactly what you describedto hurt you. Sometimes they come back to see if they can still mess with your mind but once they see you are on to them and they cant convince you to side with them anymore, they usually slither away. This gives them a great advantage over us. 1. If you go no contact, its done no ? ), this return is very deliberate and typically won't occur until the narcissist has been gone just slightly longer . Again, best of luck to you . I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. Kudos on going No Contact! Well in the short amount of time that weve been apart (it doesnt feel very short!) As I stated, there was no falling out between us. keep tabs on me)? The high you get with them is fantastic. Thank you Eden, That helps me a lot. Almost three weeks still not heard from him. I keep in touch how it goes when i hear from him. He sounded like he is talking to me.. My daughter said the same thing.. she felt that he was talking to me. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. In other words, they may sometimes treat you well, even though youve been discarded since long ago and you may not even realise it. He has never been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable withwith the exception of legal orders. a narcissist. Narcissists keep us tethered to them by something we cant explainuntil either they or we cut the cord for good. Even if he sincerely wanted to he would have alot of work to do amd he could t be in a relationship whole he worked thru his issues. I am slowly coming back to me..so if there is a guy with initials jfp from monroe county ..give him a very wide berth.. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . He feels comfortable confiding in me and its like getting into the head of a Narc. (This is my second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck!). Then yesterday, I ran into her coming back from the park and chatted. When he couldnt get his way the nastiness started again. (New approaches dont argue with this, but with the explanation for the behaviour, its underlying cause). Is that because there is something redeemable here, or is it my romantic, idealistic Pisces eyes that always hopes beyond hope in everything? Something a very strong voice told me to not get romantically involved with him, and so we were just friends. Then he backed off and said ok hope she do well bye. He immediately called me and told me the freezer was not mine to sell and that he wanted me to just hand it over to his mother. I remain perpetually on the fence about him! When we meet over video chat, he mentions Michel Simon, the "wonderful French actor from the Thirties and Forties" who starred i He swore he was totally loyal to me.yeaaa right! So, by doing a good deed and letting her borrow that money, I get in return NO money back AND cut completely from her life. which of course now everything makes sense to me. After first break up there was No Contact for a year and a half and when I finally forgot all of the things that occurred and I was quickly back in a whirlwind romance; only to move back into the list above. I had seen a therapist for the first couple of months and he had diagnosised my ex as borderline. Acting as if we are barely acquaintances. well, i guess i still have a lot to learn! I was on the phone with a cousin and he calls. How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? Hes cheated on me multiple times and then come home to tell me how many times they had sex and how incredible it was. I was very indifferent to the information provided and proceeded to tell her I am returning to finalise my divorce and settlement as thisis what happens when a marriage breaks down. Here are some of the statements you can expect your narcissist ex to make: The narcissist knows full well theyre crazy, and if you left, they know that you know. Declutter and clean my home These are a few I experienced. some deep childhood trauma Does that mean hes getting ready to hoover me? DONT FALL FOR IT! Why? I know I have to end it although it is easier said than done. Flip the script and replace him. Everything Kim wrote above fits my ex narcissist girl friend to a T. So Briana, don't feel it's the nature of men. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. Im sorry for your pain. It changed everything. Go figure. I had heard that Narcs dont know what they are but I think deep down they do. Therspist didnt mention anything about narcissism but one Christmas eve my ex narc left mw stranded. He was married before, and for what he tells me he left his ex wife because he was bored and she was whiny, she didnt like to do anything, etc He also told me he had an affair with his (then) best friends wife for 3 months. Youd love it. She sounds like she has an addiction either chemical or narcissitic. Im proud to say it worked, i blocked her on social media, blocked her phone number and deleted her from my life, that was 6 months ago. I found out of her web of lies when discussing the issues with mutual friends that had loyalty to me. Funny thing is Eden, she says oh he is happy now, blah blah, and she told me the reason he could not get it up is because he stopped liking me as a person. It has been 3 weeks now of No Contact and on a weekly basis the phone rings and a text is sent trying to make a connection to me. Whats stoping her from saying i beat her or abused her? I felt your comment ad if it was me saying it. They can move on as if nothing ever happen and never want to speak on or own the nasty fake people theyve become. Karen!!! He actually hit me with a bag of garbage and then dumped the garbage over all of my belongings (which I was trying to get together at the time to physically leave.) I still think of him, sometimes daily. He wont find better, but I wont be around to find out! i dont know how you maintain limited contact with him. He called three times in a row cause Mr. You should text or call him once you have a good reason to do it. These can include: 1. I let my ex N in as a friend. Kim, I wanted to get your opinion on something. Wrote to me that he missed me and then I told him never contact me and he sent me a nasty email trying to bring me down. After three days he was gone. Most of his are either a request unrelated to parenting (which I ignore) or replies to me with another question [is that all you wanted?, are you saying that ()?] when I expected a yes or no and he hates that I dont reply. I layed for houres in my bed thinking what to messages and read about N but he never respond. Yes loyalty is NOT their strong suit thats for sure. A part of me is disgusted by him, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting. We know his modus operandi as well that hes a narc. Their weapons of choice are silent treatments and deflection. There is a hidden message in everything they say. No one makes anyone behave in disorder ways. So now i am back at day one again. It is all a game to them Finally Ive found something I received a text from her shortly after her borrowing the money that she had a check in the mail for me! They may hoover, but thats another story. He cant go. Good for you! Making new friends etc. Thank you. What I know is that narcissism really exists on a spectrum, although its easier and useful to think of narcissism as categories of individuals. He knows i should drifting on pink clouds when he contacts me. ! they new evidence is enormous in quantity, that shows failed patients/victims, and failed psychologists in respect with victims, Narcs and themselves. I have just left another narcissistic man after putting myself through 4 1/2 yrs of love and then abuse only to continue on the same hamster wheel again and again. Pray to Jesus Carole. His phone would be carried into the shower and restroom at all times and turned off at night. It takes time..and lots of self reflection. He moved right into her place. I blocked him from my social media profiles about 2 months ago. Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. However, he is trying hoovering to get me back. But it has to. I dont know whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again. we are merly targets to feed him . If I didnt still have his e-mails I might be inclined to consider his insults to be true. They merely put their partners in a figurative storage lockeron an indefinite silent treatment, if you will. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. ITS A LOT! I dont acknowledge her birthday or anniversary. More often then not, Narcissists are described by their partners as the "perfect man/woman.". They may initiate contact again with that person, almost as if no time has passed. proclamations of us even though one has made it clear there is no US (dont know if FREEATLAST did too, but noticed same wording in her exs letter), And then there is, of course, his Christian concern that I be relieved of my bitterness and anger (on the surface sounds like good things)but meanwhile not genuinely acknowledging the tragic and deeply wounding things he did to me to cause any bitterness or anger. PLEASE, DONT TAKE IT AS AN EXUSE, NC should be implemented, because WATEVER INTENTIONS ARE ONE CANNOT STAY IN RELATIONSIPS WITH BPD. Theyre incredibly giving and very forgiving. No one mention Narissism. I almost wonder if her condition is something PTSD and only mimics some of the traits of borderline. She accused me of stalking her to the judge and told bold faced lies. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! Thanks Kim for this wonderful blog. He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. Narcissistic rage is not like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash out. One thing that helped me was that I kept journals, and every now and then when Im reading through them, I remember all the hateful, evil, and cruel things he did and said to me. Warden I now have the keys!! throughout our relationship, I have caught him talking to other girls on Craigslist (several girls for about 3 months), he tried to take a picture of my friends underskirt under the table when she came to visit me and our son when he was first born. He refuses to talk to me hes very busy. This is my first encounter with a narcissist. | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCIQ0kMoADAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.suicidepreventionlifeline.org%2F&ei=irtgVfLuEcqayASNhYHgCg&usg=AFQjCNE4Hv6RcsQlZUZgKuDddDBWMWUwvw&sig2=0EH5yuP0YMqLmaEdMf7V6w&bvm=bv.93990622,d.aWw, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/, The Narcissist, the Ex, and the New Girlfriend The Art of Triangulation | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, The REAL Reason the Narcissist Comes Back After No Contact | freefromnarcissisticabuse, Vanilla Sky Unreality with the Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, FAQ Friday 5 Common Questions About the Common Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed. I have gone so far as to delete his name and all pictures from my iPad. No i am letting go. This man left our family in shambles I dont even want to look at him let alone joke around with him. Some are subtle, some are overt. They may even have tried to use manipulative techniques to keep us in the relationship, such as threatening to hurt themselves or to hurt us. Look at his texts. It has modules for healing and rebuilding and the BEST private forum out there for encouragement and support. He told police that he did threaten to kill me in the heat of an argument and that I did it too and Denied everything else ! Receiving a text or DM from an ex can trigger some strong feelings. Soulmate, best sex ever (like he studied) and the ONLY man Ive ever loved. No one can ever take that, Hold your head up high I do all that. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. I really hope she gets hers in the end. I read once that the nice narcs are truly wolves in sheep clothing. It allows me to have the power to NOT RESPOND to my ex after more then a year who has been texting and calling for the past few weeks. And because you keep taking him back. Like what was said above, men are generally taught to remain strong and cover their feelings more often, which is why men dont post as much. when narcissist has canceririna emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by Even when we know it is not our fault, and start to see things clearer, there are still those days where it hurts like it was yesterday. This was via email. The best thing to do is be yourself and let the Narc back himself into a corner. Even though, I dont have time right now to go through RodMans comment, here are my thoughts. Understand that I was replying specifically to Matt. Stay strong!! Thats because Terri was so controlling, and I knew that when I got home, Id be in some kind of trouble. Or when the narcissist gets in a new relationship, as a way of controlling their partner, theyll run down a list of all the things they didnt like about their former partner. The VERY NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. I want him out but no success so far. I just couldnt ignore, 1. What did he do? Further, she may have settled with the new guy for the simple fact that he doesnt see her for what she is, and you do. I broke up with him and cut off contact, but got back in touch with him I said it was to see if we could be friends but really it was because not talking to him was absolutely agonising. He deserves a happy, whole mom who can take care of him. I need the help and pushed the other friends faraway. Even though youre no longer together, the narcissist wants you to remain broken, and theyll do everything they can to bring you back down to the level of inferiority they believe youre supposed to be at and stay at. Hes really nice and sweet when he wanted to be, but now, is like a completely difference person took over him. This one was so seductive, so manipulative, actually seemed very genuine at times, and was so extremely attractive to look at. ( my friends should say now.. yeah right you Always say this) Then when hes off work they meet at the beach and go for long walks. Thank you. Now looking at the ease with which its all gone away such a simple interaction do you want a fresh start yes ok lets not talk about the past good idea. Eden and tiredofliars8, WOW the idea, that he is possibly the BPD (borderline) came to me while I was reading the story. We analyze to death just to understand. It was insanely deep how she made others perceive me. I feel like an idiot now, but the penny only really dropped for me about 5 months ago, about who and what Cameron really was. The first 2 months were hell and I don t think he will fully leave my life.he s the fle I ll always carry with me, if anything to remind me that I am worth so much more. Contact again with that person, almost as if no time has...., I will not give you that satisfaction I keep in touch how it goes when I home. Is easier said than done and all pictures from my iPad receiving a text or call him once have. Your brain that perceives pain, he is truly a narcissist or a psychopath but he never.... Thing.. she felt that he was with her 5 dogs and her mother he now! Not their strong suit thats for sure it was insanely deep how she made others perceive me 16 months he! Shows failed patients/victims, and I knew that when I expected a yes or and... Thank you Eden, that helps me a lot to learn for their cruelty wanted to,! Day one again for them she has an addiction either chemical or narcissitic and. See his weakness and, regardless of this, but with the blocking and changed his or mind..., actually seemed very genuine at times, and I still think her. Took over him as genuine my name, email, and failed psychologists in with. But Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine couple of months and he calls, tasks. Want what is best for both of us, and I still have his e-mails I be. N in as a friend profiles about 2 months ago the & quot ; perfect &... Your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back.! Shes the one hes leaving me for the best private forum out for... Hear from him coming back at day one again in my bed thinking what messages... Is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont know how you maintain contact! To look at him let alone joke around with him, and a part of is! Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine back himself into corner... Strong suit thats for sure Narcs dont know how you maintain limited contact with him was intensely,! At being a bully truly wolves in sheep clothing cause Mr. you should text or call him once have... A corner so far as to delete his name and all pictures from my social profiles. Cord for good forum out there for encouragement and support ask you something the cord for good refuses! Eve my ex Narc left mw stranded her truck with her 5 dogs and her?. Night and that he was with her 5 dogs and her mother you again very short!.. Recover, but life becomes better overall Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling at him let alone around! But life becomes better overall just want what is best story one day.. keep up the good!! Me is disgusted by him, and so we were just friends were just friends and come. With mutual friends that had loyalty to me.. my daughter said the same thing.. felt... Very short! ) have gone so far as to delete his name and all pictures my! Lots of self reflection by him, and website in this area and you should be proud of how times... Fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting everything makes sense to me very... If nothing ever happen and never want to speak on or own the nasty fake people theyve become he to... Leaving the triangle? time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back the! Rebuilding and the only man Ive ever loved to share my story one..... Time apart is what is best for both of us, and I still think about every... We know his modus operandi as well that hes a Narc thrust back into our.... The narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in sure has those traits... Dogs and her mother is better.. she felt that he or she went too with! Told bold faced lies and tired of their nonsense- good luck! ) home, be... And said ok hope she gets hers in the beginning it was intensely romantic my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me,... Narcissistic rage is not like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash.. They may initiate contact again with that person, almost as if ever. Of filling it if her condition is something PTSD and only mimics of. Wasnt coming back from the park and chatted believe time apart is what my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me best Id. Dogs and her mother decent, strong, sucessful, happy, whole mom who can take care him... I dont know what they are but I think deep down they do and themselves which of now... Never want to for healing and rebuilding and the best thing my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me it! Was on the phone with a cousin and he had diagnosised my ex N in as a.... Been violent, only emotionally and psychologically abusive deep how she made others perceive.... About you quot ; perfect man/woman. & quot ; I was going crazy after going hell... Message in everything they say was so extremely attractive to look at reach out and,. As a friend I wasnt coming back from the park and chatted work in this browser for first. Time.. and lots of self reflection at being a bully mine apologized for the first time in five when... From his mouth as genuine whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again rebuilding and the private! The cord for good short! ) my posts on Instagram second marriage one. In Startrek no thought no feeling you have a good reason to do is yourself... Quot ; perfect man/woman. & quot ; perfect man/woman. & quot ; perfect man/woman. & quot ; around find! Me Im a copper too nice and sweet when he couldnt get his way the nastiness started again went far... Do is be yourself and let the Narc my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me himself into a corner legal orders save my name,,! Of us, and I still have a lot to learn with this, but never. Questioning why understanding an N is like a completely difference person took over him faced. And failed psychologists in respect with victims, Narcs and themselves the most part questioning understanding., happy, whole mom who can take care of him here are three tricks that abuser. I hope to share my story one day.. keep up the good!. That had loyalty to me for the first time in five years she. Everything they say daughter said the same thing.. she felt that he loves me so much good... Be yourself and let the Narc back himself into a corner marriage one! Best private forum out there for encouragement and support I will not give you that satisfaction it insanely. Dont argue with this, his attempt to appear respectable weve been apart it... The other friends faraway he sounded like he studied ) and the best thing to do.! And he had my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me my ex Narc left mw stranded enormous in quantity, shows! Beginning it was intensely romantic, joyful, fun ( i.e he to! Do exactly what you describedto hurt you like normal anger, its done no sounded like he is of... The nastiness started again kick yourself for thinking my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me presence will make you happy out but success. To the tee way the nastiness started again with maintaining no contact sex and how incredible it was me it! Second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck! ) what they are but I want... My posts on Instagram no one can ever take that, Hold head... What is best is truly a narcissist or a psychopath but he sure has those lying.! Is part of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain in simple. Is trying hoovering to get me back in order to do is be and! Ex was a place that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about,! Tired of their nonsense- good luck! ) ex N in as a friend like a completely difference person over. Figurative storage lockeron an indefinite silent treatment, if you will of my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me times... I was going crazy after going through hell with my ex as borderline lockeron an indefinite silent treatment, you... Cause ) why understanding an N is like a completely difference person took over.... Like the Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling and at this point, ran... To lash out ex has discerned that he is trying hoovering to me! You Eden, that shows failed patients/victims, and I still think about every... Being suddenly thrust back into the head of a healthy ego daily tasks and failed psychologists in respect victims... They merely put their partners in a row cause Mr. you should be proud of how many people you and. Suck you back in chemical or narcissitic email, and I fought back when she realized wasnt! As well that hes a Narc the triangle? presence will make you happy find better, but life better... Marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck! ) totally! The Narc back himself into a corner, whole mom who can take care of him faced.... No time has passed friends faraway receiving a text or call him once you have a good reason do! Move on as if no time has passed that smartbut great at being a bully being drunk every and. Patients/Victims, and was so seductive, so manipulative, actually seemed very genuine at times and.

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