One time I was the dumppee I guess. I don't know what I want my ex to say but I just want her to text me, because I refuse to. That really has me so baffled today about this 6 month mark thing. You see getting into a relationship, especially a long-term one, is all about making patterns and having a somewhat set routine. You can only really focus on yourself, your life, and a few situations around your ex that are under your control. If you think your Ex never thinks about you, and has completely forgotten about you, then you're wrong. Required fields are marked *. Another ex leaving for her ex on these boards, I really see this as a common theme on loveshack. Well, the love of my life left me for another guy recently, and I won't lie to you guys. My ex that cheated on me 3 years ago (who stayed in the same social circle as me) still treats me like I don't exist. The phantom ex operates because there is/was distance, not because the relationship was successful. You will hear back from the dumper someday. You can deal with guilt without confessing it to the person you hurt. That's the thought that really hurts doesn't it? She is a total coward and spineless. The person I used to love is long gone and the person he seems to be now, well, that is not a person I want to stay in touch with in any form Just curious to hear your experiences and opinions on this For the dumpers, what were your reasons for contacting/ not contacting the dumpees again? Im in contact because of my son, she has a new guy after 3 months.IT'S HELL.coutn your lucky stars when you never hear from them again!!!!!!! How often did it happen to you that you NEVER heard from your ex (dumper) again? That was about 6 months ago. However, as time goes on, the dumper will start to miss certain aspects of the relationship and maybe even regret their decision. Cookie Notice As carefree as your ex appears, you need to know that breakups are tough even for dumpers. ), after she apologized, and I apologized (I sent her a nasty email) she tried to be friends with me and I rejected her. Hahaha.. We talk a lot about this concept of becoming Ungettable or reaching an Ungettable mindset. wheredowegonow What you do (ignore/talk/meet up) is up to you but I think the chances are pretty good you will hear back from them. Dumpers reactions to breakups and the grieving process are heavily dependent on their attachment styles. I don't have tons of ex's but the ones I do have (apart from this most recent one who won't speak to me anymore.) Today Id like to do a deep dive into answering how often it is that you never hear from a dumper again after a breakup. Blew hot and cold. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Funny you should post this. I still think about ex's that I've dumped from over 10 years ago. At the heart of every avoidant lies a paradox. So, when we sought to understand the differences between dumpers and dumpees there were five big concepts that stood out to us. Idk. Now Im going to go on a limb here and say that if youre reading this, youre most likely the dumpee who wants their ex back. I'm trying force myself to get out of the why, what, how phase but inevitably I have my bad days/nights. Lets start with the basics what is a dumper and dumpee? My girlfriend and i broke up about a month ago, and i kept holding onto this hope she would realize that she made a huge mistake and come back. If the B/U wasn't to ugly and there wasn't any cheating/beating involved and their new relationship didn't work out isn't it just human nature to seek out someone who loves/loved you in the past,, someone you have a history with and feel comfortable with? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/175013-who-has-never-heard-from-their-ex-again/, https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/is56di/am_i_the_only_person_who_never_heard_from_their/, Doing This Can Help Your Ex Open Up To You, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/everything-youll-ever-need-to-know-about-the-being-there-method/, Think about the great times you had together. Breakups are different for the dumper than it is for the dumpee. probably worried i will kick off. I decided this is crap. A lot of people here seem to be the dumpee and wonder if the dumper even misses them. now she is going out with someone who she was a bit 'friendly' with when we were going out and she claimed nothing was going on back then. I don't think it is coincidence they reconnected right around the same time as our breakup, especially since they didn't speak for 2 years! However, even I wasnt aware of how skewed the data was. See how that constant negative feedback from your exs sphere of influence can shape their decisions? Even if you begged and pleaded to get your ex back I think you will still hear from them once the dust has settled. I feel fine now, don't want to go back, but enjoy having him in my life. In fact, I recently did an in-depth video detailing how dumpers will act when trying to move on from you. Heres the thing though, if youve ever read through these forums it can become a little muddy. Now its important to note that if the dumper moves on within the first month of a breakup its probably a rebound relationship but if its been a year or more, thats more likely to be an honest-to-goodness relationship. All it said was I have no regrets, I know it doesnt change anything, Im not going to be hassling him or anything for more. One of the best ways to influence them is through their sphere of influence. Im also going to make a pretty well-backed assumption of saying that you probably believe that your dumper does not go through a grieving process as you do. Your email address will not be published. This seems to be the consensus of the majority and is something that I've experienced firsthand. And if they did hurt, you, make them jolly well earn your love if they ever want you again. Giotemantiker dumpers can just walk away because by the time they have dumped you they have been thinking about it for a while, Absolutely! The way both deal with the grieving process can be quite different though. Now as far as percentages go, we dont have enough data to make an ultimate determination. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. It was hard for me to accept and she turned very mean/cold. This is where things got really interesting. When enough time passes you forget the bad stuff - "faded effect bias". I have reached out to each of the Ex's I've dumped (not to reconcile, just to say "Hi"). Heres the thing you need to know about avoidants, they value their independence, arguably more than any romantic connection in their life. They are all exes for a reason. Dumpers go through the grieving process just like dumpees do, but their process starts later. Why would they want to be dragged back down by the dumpee who essentially is trying to guilt them into reuniting. It's just a mind game, I know, but sometimes I'm just looking for something that helps even a little. I met up with him and didn't find him the least bit attractive or compatible. Your exs sphere of influence might include their friends, family, close coworkers, etc. By focusing simply on the things that are 100% under your control you can actually start to project the type of behaviors that will influence an ex to regret their decision of dumping you. Essentially they only look at the good and forget the bad. It was like clockwork. It's been 5 months NC and 6 months post break-up. I saw him change during the last few months of our relationship. I doubt he will ever initiate contact and I have come to terms with that for the most part. Being a dumper is not always easy and if you still love the person, it's a lot harder than being dumped. Unless you both want to work things out, it's usually best. Yeah. in the near future (it's only been 4 months since she dumped me) after I'm completely healed/indifferent towards her. He knows how I feel that I love him and miss him. Its just, i hold onto this hope and everytime something negative happens it hurts much worse. You were always considered the fun girlfriend and after your breakup, all your ex hears is you lost a great one, youre so dumb to break up with her!. I think it depends on the people involved and how they felt about each other. However, according to my research most exes who dump you will not actually reach out to you first, youll have to reach out to them. After meeting them in person, who knows what might happen? I've heard from a lot of people, after getting dumped around 6 months or so afterward, the ex will come back for whatever reason. I am glad for the contact, since it allowed me to close the book on it, especially the really difficult breakups. The break up was about 5 minutes. He claimed that most likely I would never hear from him again. But perhaps even more interesting of the avoidant attachment style is their inherent obsession with a concept called the phantom ex. Right in HER heart as she did to me and the kids. Ive stopped messaging now, do you think he will reach out? After all, 90% of our clients have been broken up with by their exes. Besides, it's a small world (here anyway), he can easily know what's up with me without having to contact me. This actually ties seamlessly into the first concept about both sides going through their grieving process. But I agree. I'd be interested in the replies here since my dumper just fell off the face of the earth and I have no idea if/when I'll ever speak to him again My ex and her 'rebound' are going on 2 years together now. But I feel its close enough to matter. In one case an ex who broke up with me told me he wanted to call, but didn't (5 years later I met him by chance in a parking lot) because he didn't think I wanted to hear from him. If you become an emotional support for your ex, theyll use you to get what they need and then simply move on. Now, yesterday I wrote an article basically that was an entire argument for why I believe the days of women waiting for men to reach out to them are long gone. I now believe I have been ghosted. Id appreciate now to be unblocked and show there is no hard feelings. Put simply, if you want a relationship with your ex then you have a couple of things to reconcile. I also didn't fully respect her need for "space" because I was upset. We do. Time is your friend. I mean really, the dumpers made a descision to make themselves happy and moved on. My first breakup (ex gf was the dumper) it was ugly but she came back and we mended things a year later as friends. As such, Instead of dividing answers into a simple yes or no I came up with a third option. i get what you mean about feeling the bond is broken, when i think of him i dont feel like i know him anymore. You have the option to go back but you make the hardest decision to stay away. It is a pointless excersise and your energy is better spent on yourself and what YOU are going to do for the next few days/weeks/years*, Also, from what I've read about those who DO have to remain in contact because of kids, business, property etc, we should count our blessings.*. In a way, you knew this person inside out, but on the other hand, after so much time apart and after all that had happened, you don't know them at all anymore it's good that I don't have a chance to accidently run into himI wouldn't even know what to say and I guess, he wouldn't know either it would be a really odd situation One of my exes I never heard from again. Because of the person I think he really is, an ego who will be curious to know if I survived without him, I'm sure I'll hear from him down the road in life but it won't matter at that point when you're not affected. Despite everything she did, i still hope one day she will come back. Ive talked a lot about this concept before in my articles on avoidants so I know if youve read my stuff before youll have heard it. And still hasn't. I had no interest in being friends with him. "Grass is Greener" - simple. My girlfriend and i broke up about a month ago, and i kept holding onto this hope she would realize that she made a huge mistake and come back. Do not expect from him to reach out ever, and maybe it is for the best. This actually ties seamlessly into the first concept about both sides going through their grieving process. I've been having a very difficult time wrapping my head around what my ex did to me. I was just thinking this morning actually that I think I like our relationship more now than I ever have. I guess I had romantic feelings for the one I dumped - until we got together this last time (beginning of this year). Often avoidants wont initiate contact with their exes, and they rarely unilaterally initiate reuniting because it creates uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability, and they can feel they dont know how go about fixing things. We were in a LTR. So, to prevent that from happening here I wanted to show you the exact forums I pulled from. After the way he hurt me, he better not come back into my life again. After years of dealing with mostly dumpees, we finally got enough experience with dumpers to be able to highlight 5 of the biggest psychological differences and considerations between dumpers and dumpees: Your email address will not be published. These are the people you turn to for life advice and emotional support. My ex reached out to me on her own for the first time since we broke up back in september..I went in for open heart surgery on saturday and she text me the morning of wishing me good luck and that she hoped it went smoothly. The general consensus argues that its pretty common for exes to stay in touch with one another. I will share mine.I have buried the hatchet and are now on talking terms with my 3 previous ex's (was dumper for 2 of them and dumpee for 1).So the verdict is still out on my most recent dumper ex. Strangely enough, I'm actually friends with all my ex's. Heres the point Im getting at. Especially since we shared a life together for 7 years and now it all just feels like it was a dream.. Just a memory I suppose.. Well went from an 8 yr relationship to nothing. Well, thats still true but you can influence their decision. Last week I spent the night with him (we hadnt seen each other in 5 weeks). I guess that really only leaves two. I know it's all for the best. 2)Need for space. I've done a little bit of research and talked to some dumpees to understand how long it took their exes to reach out. He just stopped talking to me (he had moved across the country a few months before and I thought it might be best to go our separate ways as well, so I did not try to keep in contact either). Privacy Policy. ^^^Exactly Jonesy. Concept # 3: Dumpers will sometimes use the dumpee for emotional support. An avoidant dumper doesnt want to contact you. I understand lilybluebut for me..nothing good comes out of thinking I will hear from him someday. Alex39 The callous way she just stopped contacting me, then put on facebook, (which she hated and looked down on) that she was in a relationship..with my friendshe will not contact me. Heres a reminder that we always teach at ex recovery: you and your ex are no longer in a relationship, youre simply acquaintances. that was when she saw me in a bar about a 14 months ago. Well she didn't even REPLY to that lol. All you can do is focus on what you have control over and allow those actions to influence your ex to make their own decision. For me it's been like hearing from any other long lost friend eventually. My colleague, Coach Anna even made the argument in an interview I did with her last year that sometimes contacting an avoidant can bring them back to the trauma of the relationship. I think the chances are always pretty good that you will hear back from the dumper (male or female) again at some point in life. I'm busy juggling my feelings of love for who she used to be. Havent heard from her since though.we didnt have a bad relationship . Before writing this article, that was the assumption that I had operated on. However, there are some pretty hard feelings from our break-up. Haven't heard from my ex. Started November 8, By In which I questioned members of our private facebook support group on how often their exes had reached out to them during no contact. half got back in touch with me and the others I contacted a few years later. Contacting you or thinking about you would imply that 1. Your ex has given up and wants you to do the same. But thats no contact. Thats why a lot of dumpers don't want to hear from the dumpee. After 3 months of strict no contact and being dumped, my ex texted me. Yes, exactlyit probably would feel really weird. Cheating is actually a lot more common than you may thing (check our article on infidelity statistics here). In this situation, weve noticed dumpers reaching out to the dumpee for emotional support and we think this is all about patterns. As I stated above, one of the things that Ive been incredibly proud of is the fact that most everything we recommend on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is fine tuned and tested using real life data or trends. I have a friend of mine at the moment though who is 1 year out of a divorce. They had nice charts and graphics but they werent really willing to show WHERE their data came from. We've tried to get back together a couple of times since then, but both of us are finally at a place where we are perfectly content being platonic. Most of the time it isn't about getting back together but to just bury the hatchet. The only time I've never heard again from an ex was when I was 18 years old. He tried to reconnect with me later but I was aloof and he had too much guilt so he gave up and I just didn't care at that point anyway. There's been a bunch of other short-termers, but I'm not counting those. We tried to be "friends" but I always kept on telling him after a while that I do not wish to be friends, it's not a realn friendship, I'm not there to entertain him via texts. About 2/3 of my exes I didn't have any further social contact with. I know some of you think they won't due to guilt and others due to betrayal reasons but as time goes on things become clearer. And why would I want to put myself through that grief? All the fresh breakups seem hard for us right now and we all feel betrayed but it's almost a guarentee you will hear back from them. well i havent heard from my ex since he moved out in january. If the 6 month thing is true I've got 2 more months to prepare.lol. And b/c SHE initiated our first I Love Yous just a week before we split, it does mildly surprise me that she didn't come and contact me after she split with her ex. This article should be useful to you: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/everything-youll-ever-need-to-know-about-the-being-there-method/, My ex boyfriend has blocked me on everything apart from one messaging app. They are all exes for a reason, I just wonder why they all try to wipe me completely from their life like I meant nothing to them. Sunday is make or break for Kari Lake. I decided to pull from three forum threads, Thread URL: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/175013-who-has-never-heard-from-their-ex-again/, Reddit URL: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/is56di/am_i_the_only_person_who_never_heard_from_their/, https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/comments/fhsx44/has_anyone_simply_never_heard_from_their_ex_ever/. That's why you must understand that your ex doesn't want to hear your excuses after your ex has detached, moved on, and completely lost hope in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites. Did you ever hear from your dumper? Heres the thing right after a breakup a dumper probably feels confident in their decision and the dumpee feels heartbroken and rejected. I can't actually remember. I guess, my ex doesn't even see anything wrong in the way he ended things with me that's sad. 0. Usually, the dumpee grieves first and the dumper grieves second, but sometimes they both go through the grieving process at the same time. She still loves her ex-husband but the other day he apparently walked slowly straight past her in a busy high street as if she was a complete stranger. i get what you mean about feeling the bond is broken, when i think of him i dont feel like i know him anymore. You have no other choice then to move on, trust me. He wanted to be friends and sometimes was desperate to meet. I mean if it was a healthy and good relationship with no abuse, cheating or other major issues, I don't really get, why ex's decided to completely ignore us ("forever")! Some people are too cowardly to do the deed so they make the other person feel rotten enough and abused enough that the ''dumper'' has to do the dumping. We completely agreed on everything. I haven't heard from her for quite a long time nowand. One I am actually great friends with, but those were break ups were mutual. But there was never a bad breakup and it's nice to say hi and see that they are having a nice life. Watch this if youd like a complete breakdown, The phantom ex phenomenon occurs when your ex paints you as the one that got away.. Thank you for leaving feedback. Well, who knows their reasons, maybe it's guilt for having hurt us, maybe fear, maybe cowardice, maybe the respect of our wish for healing, maybe it's their new relationship or maybe it's the simple fact that they have moved on with their lives and don't look back at all anymore and leave the past completely behind only spoke to my ex once in 18 months. Either way I don't plan on ever contacting her again. I feel the same way sunflower. He really is indecisive, and I don't need that. I noticed one of my competitors writing a similar article to this one but I found their data to be a little suspect. Unfortunately, she left me for another man (whom is a huge jerk) and they have been together for a few weeks now. To the point: lol all of my ex's have talked to me after breaking up. First things first, lets take a look at the data set I used to come to this conclusion and then we will dive a bit deeper into the why.. So, it is common for dumpers to be a lot more likely to go on the rebound after a breakup. Not as much but I am. 1. If someone loves you, they will not hurt you with a breakup. By Chris Seiter Published on August 5th, 2022 Today I'd like to do a deep dive into answering how often it is that you never hear from a dumper again after a breakup. All Rights Reserved. In fact, it took me so long to compile this list of psychological differences because we simply didnt have enough data on dumpers. I just know we live in a day and age where everyone is extra skeptical. Imani L., we regret to hear that you had a negative experience with us, but would appreciate the chance to turn your experience around. I'm busy juggling my feelings of love for who she used to be, and my hatred for how she took me for granted and discarded me. As such, their way compromising is by engaging in a phenomenon called a phantom ex. I have a few exs I have never heard from again, but they were relationships where there was no love involved. Now if your ex keeps reaching out to talk to you for hours on end, should you let it happen? I thought he just didn't give a damn, never occurred to me to call him as I was in NC(years before I new of such a thing). It does happen. My ex re-connected with her ex right around the same time of our breakup (I have no idea if this caused our breakup or not). I picture John McCain laughing his head off. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Its been roughly 7-8 months now since the breakup and I've heard NOTHING. March 18, 2022 by Zan. But boy had both of us changed! I'd consider the recent ex more of a bad breakup since he just disappeared. By My ex that cheated on me 3 years ago (who stayed in the same social circle as me) still treats me like I don't exist. This might hurt to hear because a lot of people believe theres something you can say or do to change your exs mind and Im here to tell you thats not how it works. After all, theyre rarely the ones looking to get back together after a breakup, but that may be more out of their ego and not because they dont want to. By TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. and i havent been in touch with him. The dumper usually experiences something I refer to . Yes, this is what I find very sad, too I mean for several years, you shared something very special with the other person, you were the most important persons in each others lives and suddenly they completely disappear as if they were never even part of your life! I have not wanted to reconcile with most of them, two wanted to reconcile with me, the rest felt the same way I did. He tried 3 times over the next 4 months to talk to me, the last two I ignored. I don't think this is a good thing.what if you never hear back from your ex? You sound pissed. So, now its time for some fancy pie charts, By the way DNA means, Did Not Answer.. Angel_325 I had an ex ,well a guy i went with for few month and i seen him with his girl (never thought he had a girfriend ) at a party ..we had a fight and never talked to each ther again.he never spoke to me again and i was lucky i was not in love with him,i liked him but did nto love himits not the same ex ,the one i still love..the one i still love still wants to sleep with me and stuffits hard.just think of him as a scum,i do not know why he could be so harsh.to me your ex is the cruelest person. That kind of messaging can make your ex regret his decision and even reconsider getting back together with you. We just aren't communicating and I won't initiate, primarily because they are now overseas. before me. In fact, if you try to control any of those things youll probably just come off as a crazy obsessive ex-girlfriend who no one wants back. . A month after that, we talked every day for a week after he said he couldn't imagine thinking about me with another guy.

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