We keep silent and spend our whole lives feeling good enough when really we did nothing wrong at all, we just were unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time or met the wrong person.A small(yet horrible) incident becomes a giant monster that controls us. Please keep my name confidential. I actually also had some infections down there when I was younger too. Im scared we meet again. Im caring for him, 7 years now. A good therapist will not focus on whether or not the memory is real but what is real to you, how you can process what you feel, and how you can move forward into a life you feel comfortable and yourself in. She would just make me feel like I was dirty and shun me for pretty much all my life. I will say its very obvious that his words were driven more by PR, image, ego than anything else. (2017). I feel a lot closer to her. And not all traumas are as clear cut as abuse. I have so many clues and symptoms of child abuse though even more than are listed above. Which I forgot to mention lol) So pretty much all my life till about the time i turned 18 (which was this year 2017) I realized that I was molested and that it wasnt my fault. They are there for a reason. i talked to my boyfriend about my connections i made today with everything. First, being a teen is hard. We wish you luck! I am experiencing the old dreams now again. Google for one who deals with long-term PTSD and see what you find and not to toot our own horn (as we want you to find the person who is right for you regardless) but our new sister site offers phone and Skype therapy worldwide, http://www.harleytherapy.com. London Bridge. Its also possible to really like someone and still fear making a commitment to them. Hi there. I feel like Im at the point where Im not able to get any help until I figure out a way past my issues all on my own. If you are by chance in our country, the UK, you can find a list of places to call here http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. The issue and red flag to us is that you were already somebody who couldnt set boundaries, couldnt say what she wanted, felt she had to please others even if she was uncomfortable. My parents would tell me it was very bad if they caught me but never explain why. This happens when we are abused. I cant remember what happened next, but I think she sent A. to the office or something and they were going to call my parents. The floor? Sex has always been a rough topic for me i remember when my close friend told me she had lost her virginity i had a mental breakdown and started bawling my eyes out. It sounds like you have had to go through an awful lot of suffering and that you are still really suffering. Im about to turn 14 and I been having a lot of issues with mental health but no one noticed and I think it started growing when I was younger but Im sure but remember just crying a lot feeling worthless. Because sexual abuse is very talked about in our society, many people assume they were abused. I was at the stage where I was just barely starting to recognize and accept the abuse, and CBT harmed that by encouraging me to second-guess myself and return to the old ways of thinking that relied on the baseline idea that I was being too negative. The best thing to do, if you are feeling unable to cope, is to seek support. Is this classed as COCSA? Look for a counsellor or psychotherapist with experience with sexual abuse, and try to find someone you feel you can eventually trust and that you feel a click with. My psychiatrist has also asked me before if I had been abused when I was younger as he feels that psychiatrically, my presentation is very common in people who have experienced abuse when they were young. when you hate your therapist. I am 16 and feel as if I was molested around age 7-10. The family member also used to pop pills and drink so if something happened he probably wouldnt remember it either. You can explore how you feel without involving people you know, and its up to you to decide if one day you share with people you know or not. What matters now is focussing on any symptoms and getting help for those. I dont like affection from any of other people sometimes I just let them hug me because I feel like I have to, to show that Im nice and care for them. In the UK you can call Childline at 0800 1111. I broke up with my first boyfriend about a month ago because every time we were intimate Id just zone out or even start to feel this numb sadness. I am all about their physical appearance and sex experience. When I did remember this about my dad it was such a small memory with so little detail and I felt that it didnt distress me and I didnt feel mad at him about it, which I thought was a good thing and thats how it should stay so I just put it out of my mind. What stands out to us as the real trauma here, however, is that you then had the courage to tell your mother who said shed take care of it and instead she called it a misunderstanding, implying she didnt believe you, didnt support you. Many of us never know exactly what happened to us, and its important to put your focus onto getting help for symptoms instead of obsessing over what did and didnt happen. They will create a very safe space for you to process all this and learn new, healthier ways of coping. If you were abused, then therapy creates a safe space for any memories to come up, as well as how to learn how to navigate your symptoms like anxiety. You cant make anyone seek therapy. It can be an older sibling or another child who abuses you. Wed highly highly advise you seek some support on this Helena. I am uncomfortable with sex and I cant get turned on by a man. Or, maybe youre not interested in staying in the relationship. [Our article on What to do if you think you were abused goes into more detail]. Im 16, I vividly remember masturbation, fingering my anal cavity, taking my clothes off at night, passionately kissing my pillow, a fascination with rape, and sexual fantasies with both myself and barbies from around the age of 3. because i havent told her. And he showed himself such a great man to everyone. We find a lot of young clients feel they have to be in a relationship or they arent normal. Not sure if he even knows he has a FB page. It choke holds us, it makes us feel responsible, and unable to see that this was nothing to do with us, not our fault, and something that far too many people experience. Abuse causes long term issues with trust and self identity, and its important to work to heal it. As youll notice in a lot of other comments, the natural tendency is to focus on what happened to me. In summary, yes, maybe you were abused, wed say there is as high a chance you werent, but we cant say, we dont know you or your life. Telling me i need sex and she will satify me. A good therapist can help you get to the root of all this anxiety. Seek support. A counsellor will create a non judgmental space for you to process all this emotional pain and learn to raise your self esteem. Spanking with pants down alone is enough to give you abuse-like symptoms. We were both really provocative at a young age, we would play games that had to do with having boyfriends and having sex with them. There was one specific time where I was laying down on his bed as we were hanging out in his room. I started masterbation without realizing what it was besides feeling good as a toddler..my family members used to call it a leg thing. He then winked at me, and the English teacher just about exploded. There are queer guys who have babies with randoms to prove that theyre real men. If you are lucky enough to be in one of the areas that now provides it you can even now self refer so you can skip talking to your GP. I do also have the illness called paranoia schizophrenia. This world is ideal and what i crave for even though its basically impossible. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) estimates that 7.5% of British adults experienced some form of sexual abuse before the age of 16. The guy was the same age as us, and he would make me do these things through the entire time we were together. I have no explanation for those things especially the latter and it makes me think something has happened to me that I do not remember. It only ticked now, that Im suffering from severe, debilitating anxiety issues that it is not normal for me to have dismissed traumatic events in such a way and it might be part of the problem. (2019). Even before 6 grade and 7grade when I was diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety. I knew it wasnt OK but I didnt know what to do so I did nothing. Its those feelings that need to be processed, for us to truly find the peace so many of us seek after both abuse and feeling abandoned by our parents. I scratch pimples on my face, shoulders and back all the time, I cant seem to stop, its just something I do. And waking up having dreams of him coming in my room touching me. As I get older, the memories bother me more and I think of them more frequently to the point where the thought of what I did temporarily consumes me with feelings of disgust and intense guilt. Im scared to tell anyone including my husband that i was molested as a child. We wish you courage! I cant remember what it was called but I know it was something to do with him telling me to do stuff and then I do it and visa Versa it was like dares but different. They rarely mean to violate the other child. A few years ago I decided nothing bad happened and that we were just kids messing around because she never really forced me into anything but I shouldnt still feel sick about it if it was nothing right? I know all these things happened but Im uncertain whether they would be classified as sexual assault or if Im overreacting so if youre reading this I would really appreciate it if you could give me some help. Anicka we are sorry to hear all this. After reading it all I think I was sexually abused as a child I dont know what to do its seems real and explains why I react and behave the way I do. My friend would laugh, so I would too, but I always felt uncomfortable about it. I dont have anyone that I can trust in this since I come from a small country and narrow minded people. i have NEVER felt that before. Having no memory is common with trauma. I simply wanna know why these feelings keep coming back after these years of neglecting them and after I thought I was stronger than falling into that trap. So the question is not really figuring out what happened. They are getting stronger but still no actual evidence or memory. What you talk about could arise from any sort of childhood trauma, not just abuse, and a therapist can help you start to unravel what you are experiencing. I remember being taught how to kiss a boy in my class who would also touch my bum sometimes when I was 8 or 7 and watching porn with a family friend who was a year older than me. A therapist is a job, but he is not your therapist. But we arent here to make anyone continue therapy or tell anyone what to do. Like there isnt a day I dont do it, really. Best, HT. Other than that, keep going with the counselling. One day at school, as we were walking, the boy, who Ill call A., tried to put his hand up my shirt. Hope that helps. Each person processes trauma in their own unique way. When I was a kid (less than 9 or 8 yrs old) Id make my barbies have sex, but only oral sex.

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