Not only should you not make excuses for someone who isn't into you but you shouldn't be . Their families have met etche says they have been together for 4 years (since university) but i am positive he cheats on her like crazy. It was soooo incredibly frustrating when he would say those things to me. People that work and have lasting committed relationships are predestined by God to be together. Its not like we ever had a fight or a big production at the end (or even during). I swear some EUMs make a career out of bewildering contradictory behavior, creating drama, confusion and plenty of WTF mysteries to be solved. I cant be the man you need me to be., After several attempts at trying to get him to change his mind, Rick told Cindy that he was sorry, but that he was unable to continue seeing her. It is not about being clingy, but rather the kind who knows when their partner is not feeling well or remembers the little details or makes an effort to improve the relationship. You give him your number and he doesn't call. I am sure many of them are just as confused by their behavior as we are. I thought we were mature enough to have a real relationship. My EUM, a married assclown, said I cant give you what you want for TEN YEARS before it finally sank in. I am mortified that he took that route because i had always asked him to tell me if he did not want me anymore, or if he wanted someone else. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. My therapy away from therapy has been this site and I am SO thankful to all you wonderful women who share your stories to all of us who are in the same boat. 8. It will be trouble. But neither he nor I heeded my warning. But I have never heard from him after that. A man who has a decent level of self esteem and confidence wont say things like i dont know what you see in me. What this guy is really saying is I know Im a worthless piece of garbage who has the emotional capacity of a stone, so what the hell are you seeing. I briefly spoke to a guy about a year ago who after a few conversations asked me what was the most importnat thing a man can give me in a relationship. You were well on your way so why would you break no contact to reach out to him only for him to reject you anyway. But I said No Thank you for it. Maybe it is because I love my friend so much, and have no emotional tie to the man, but every time she relates to me his I cant give you what you want/need line, all I hear him saying is: Im just sleeping with you for now. At the end of our relationship he started saying he didnt know how he felt anymore, I asked him if he still loved me and he said yes. And walking away. Truth is it was my fault I stayed and thats the hard part to admit and get over. Or sex? ) I really thought that would work! Anyway, we ended up have 2 babies1st by invitro. Smarter Now, you remind me so much of myself. What ever they might be from moment to moment. Im going pretty well with the working together thing now, i just dont care about him. RT @NormtasticF: Norman Reedus, Melissa McBride and also Diane Kruger don't deserve HATE, only gratitude, respect, lots of hugs, lots of love and the most important: LOYALITY! Also a great little upper for those of us that figured this one out a while agoa good affirmation of our perceptions. The way I look at it is, why even say you love someone when you dont want them? There are urges to do that time to time. Yes, a lot of times, they just dont know better. Perhaps they don't think they are cute. Foolishly I got back with my EUM when he said he loved and missed me. And to this day I still dont think he knows how deeply he affected me. However he keeps asking me out. We all can see the benefit of organisations and education such as with AA where recovering alcoholics actually own their issue then take responsibility to choose every day to live a different way leading to a fuller life (not running away from your fears). This time, when I asked what was happening between us he said, Can we still be friends? It was easier blaming him for being who he is. Please dont get me wrong I am all for women in the workplace and management and men to become better communicators but at the expense of losing what it is to be a man or woman? Thats why i would say to all women. 8 months of NC and this site have made world of difference to me. I wont ever be on one again, and no-one will be on mine, either! When youre with your partner, they deserve your undivided attention. I will learn from your post though, regardless of all the confusing bullshit he may be adding, if he says what you mentioned then start moving on or if you are confused.then even thats a warning sign because lets face it you should not be confused, either someone wants you in their life or they they dont and if your confused as to whether they do or dont, then I dont think your being treated right. Show how engaged you are in the conversation. Unless we address what it is within us that drew us to these men and allowed us to put aside our own needs and sanity, we will continue to do that over and over. ACTIONS, actions say everything and then words. It kept me in the waiting room for almost 2 years.. 1. One way to show your partner that you love them is giving them attention. 2- Appreciate and encourage them for whatever theyre doing. I should have known better! My ex ass clown was always coming up short and it started feeling like he went from being head over heels about me but then he started to use me. This whole process is really cathartic. ITS A BIG SLIMEY RAT!!!!!! I dont think it was necessarily because he was worried, just that he had probably come from one train-wreck relationship and his part to play and his relationship history was still very much at the forefront of his mind. Cookies help to provide a more personalized experience and relevant information for you, and web analytics for us. In my younger years guys would tell me these very same statements and I wasnt wise or mature enough to listen. The funny thing is He looked like this total gentleman till then. WHat reason he gave you at the end for leaving you? TRanslates to treating you badly even more down the road. Its very tempting to think like that but its just too black and white. The thing you need to hold on to is that it isnt your business to change THEM. If your yes isnt honest and authentic, youre Jaysus, Im officially forty-five! Which of course never happened, because these ACs are incapable of it. I thought i was irreplaceable. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. I saw my future as that woman who didnt pay attention and I chose a brighter future WITHOUT him. Press request to help nudge to provide schedule dates & times. Thanks to all the time I have spent here understanding what I want I was cheered up enough to quickly tell him there is nothing wrong with his view of busy modern romance but I am looking for something else. You deserve someone who can give you the attention you deserve. OR it will bring me more pain and also things will go on with his terms. As for me i shall never let a man get close to me for a long time, it has shattered my confidence but hopefully not for good! So, basically he cant give me what I want, but still stayed around by managing my expectation; only texting. Good luck to everyone out there. I am not able, nor am I ready to give you what you want. Hahahaha. Dont expect me to be your man/boyfriend after Im divorced.. This had me always telling him he was just fine the way he was. I still wonder what it was about. The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me? One particularly painful reason that a partner has checked out could be that they've lost interest in the relationship and don't wish to pursue it any longer. my eum said i wish i had met you before i met her. Even if you do have ALL of the qualities that they DO appreciate, if they met someone before you with whom they have become even somewhat emotionally attached, then, ladies, you dont stand a chance. Its something i will never put up with again, as soon as soon blows hot/cold im off. He wasnt obvious, he was SUBTLE. can you elaborate on how you are rewiring your thoughts. Told me right from the beginning. We've all had that experience with a guy you're interested in he seems to pay attention, but then just stops. I think I made such a hype around the word YET that I was not able to hear the warning signs all I heard is the word YET. HINT: look where we are now! These cookies do not store any personal information. This one is simple. It is definitely not our job was to fix them. She was so upset and he tells me she has gone. I am 32, he was 31.. Thats all the room hes got. I told him that I needed to split up with him because we were triggering this stuff in each other. I wish I read this about a year ago.. This kind of guy has the best of both worlds while using the womans mistaken feelings of hope to his advantage. Cuz, trust me, he will stay in touch with you if he wants you. Why Do They Keep Having Sex With Me If Theyre Not Interested Or Dont Want The Relationship I Want? Just as JJ is, I am also 2 months NC (WOOHOO!!!). ): This is Berk. WRONG!!!! TikTok video from Cocoa (@cocoa.517): "Comment & share! He had a girlfriend. I agree with what you are saying Cathy J.. My (ex) husband and I were devout Christians. Wow, daedalus, wish you would share more of the Aspergers perspective, Ive been reading on Aspergers. What we are understand are, at least, these two things 1) we are seeking to resolve some childhood insecurities, by having them prove that we are worthy 2) it is hopeless to get this resolved by expecting an assclown to act like a great guy. Again, a decent guy will not only tell you this but opt out and move on. Going anonymous because this answer contains too much private issues. Im not, but I am all for getting my own needs met if youre going to stick around and let me use you up. He came back and I told him he lost it. EXCUSE ME?! So true So true. It will always feel at the beginning like its OK and you can handle it. Instead, after a year and a half of seeing each other, he chose to offer a relationship to another woman [that subsequently went down the toilet after 7 short months] whilst i stood on the sidelines watching him try to love somebody else. I started thinking what i was asking for was wrong, began to apologize for being needy (?) For years I chose not to listen, not to see b/c he was want I wanted and I was soooo all powerful that I was going to MAKE IT WORK. This man already knows his capacity or what he is prepared to give. Should I block or does she have a point? It is so not the women. I dont even get why anyone believes it. Also, I do believe that there is something of first come, first serve these guys, as someone mentioned above. slowly started to feel desperate, worthless, unattractive and pathetic. When their relationship ended, i briefly resumed our so called relationship. He ditched me. If you still want to be with me in spite of this, I know you want the illusion more than you want self-respect and a real relationship. Well, this ledge B.S.its stopping. Also, when he texts, he does not bother talking about how our day was, or any other stuff to make a small talk about. I wasted a decade of my best years by not listening and truly hearing what he was saying. Maybe a month ago I would have disagreed and said o no it was all him. Use that time to find a GOOD man!!! I think this is a little naive. And of course STILL i didnt hear that. I have always had TOO much compassion for everyone (men I dated, co-workers, family, friends), and have always been the bigger person. .-= Gayles last blog ..THROAT PUNCH THURSDAYMAD MOMMIE EDITION!!!! He went so quiet when I talk about doing something together in the future. But if he leaves someone else to be with you, what guarantee do you have that he wont do the same to you? I learned that when a man shows you who he is accept it. Great website and advice! Thanks for this very timely post. It is now to the point that I see his friends out and they are making fun of me because I accepted his behavior. But if also feels good to be able to keep my dignity. Ups and downs occasionally but truly feeling so good to be rid of him and no secret well be back together fantasies like I did just a few days ago. I just wish I had found this site years ago. I dont think you are dreaming because you summed up how I feel about my EUM encounter. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. If a man says that he cant be who you need him to be, its because you are under illusions about who he is and the relationship. Answer (1 of 17): Never really thought this could come up as a question, specially when I'm going through a similar situation myself. Thanks for the reality check. 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